Hey!

It wasn’t supposed to start like this.

But, somewhere between July 31^st 2022 at a euphoric Wembley and today in Zürich, that particular memo wasn’t passed on to the French women’s team. Or, more likely, it was passed on to them and, by virtue of simply being French, they chose to completely ignore the memo. Either way, France refused to play their part in sticking to the script. The script being that The Lionesses would win this game – albeit tightly – and secure three points to kick-start their defence of the title they won in 2022.

Instead, France played England off the field. They didn’t just play England off the park but Les Blues also kicked us off it and the huge athletics track that runs around the Stadion Letzigrund pitch. And not for short periods either, but for practically the entire game. All, that is, except the opening and final fifteen minutes of normal time.

In between minutes 15 and 75, England were decidedly second-best. If it is possible to be third-best in a contest between only two teams, then England made that look a distinct possibility for much of this game.

It started so well too.

Lauren James, in for Ella Toone, and making her first start in three months, fired high over the French bar inside the first minute. A good omen for our girls. James then went on to fashion several chances that her teammates just couldn’t get to. Then, on 15, Lauren J. carried the ball through the middle of the park then passed to Beth Mead. Mead, in turn, set-up Lauren Hemp for a shot. Lauren H.’s shot was saved but – HOORAH!! –  Alessia Russo was on hand to immediately tonk the loose ball into the back of the net.

15 mins: 1:0 to The Lionesses!

Nerves and apprehension evaporated in that moment. Everyone went crazy bonkers. Well, the four of us – #WifeNo1, #DaughterNo1 and #SonInLawNo1, my Switzerland bound travelling buddy – watching at my house did; though, our four mutts were distinctly unimpressed.

But…Hey-ey-ey!

Moments later, it was the turn of the four humans watching to be less than impressed when VAR (Video Assistant Referee) – doncha just love it? – ruled that Mead’s elbow was marginally offside in England’s build-up to the goal.

And it was marginal too. I mean….have you seen the picture? I’ll post a pic. Unbelievable! Personally, I’m going to refer to VAR as VAFR from this time onward. You can most likely guess what that additional letter stands for.

Back to 0:0….Boo!

From this point, France grew in confidence while England’s evaporated. France were quicker, more alert; they had better passing options; runners down both wings and threats from all over the field. England were simply poor. Sluggish movement; underhit/overhit and misplaced passes. We failed to keep hold of the ball, constantly conceeding possession to a rampant French team.

The delightfully named Marie-Antoinette Katoto scored her sixth goal in six for her national team and England found themselves trailing 0:1 after 36 minutes. Their lead was fully merited.

36 mins: 1:0 to Les Bleues…..BOOOOO!

Physically we couldn’t match Les Bleues who seemed to think they were playing England’s Red Roses (rugby union) instead of The Lionesses, such was the ferocity and – let’s be diplomatic – somewhat overzealous nature of their tackling. England didn’t help themselves at all by standing-off and being apprehensive but were given little assistance from Swedish referee, Tess Olofsson, who seemed to still to harbour a grudge for how easily The Lionesses dismantled Sweden in 2022’s semi-final.

Mere minutes later, appeals for what appeared to be a blatant foul on Alessia Russo were waved away by the grudge-bearing ref and France pounced to make it 2:0. France forward Sandy Baltimore – a constant source of danger to her Chelsea teammate Lucy Bronze – adding the second.

On the touchline, the England coach was incensed by that tackle on Russo, arguing heatedly with the fourth official. Her pleas were to no avail though.

We’ve seen Sarina serener.

39 mins: 2:0 to Les Bleues…..DOUBLE BOOOOO!

Hey, What’s Going On…?

No changes from either team at the break. Surprisingly so from England who were in desperate need of something to alter the course of the match. But the second half continued in much the same vein. Slack and sloppy play from England; creative cutting attacks from France.

Talking of cutting, England captain Leah Williamson was scythed down by a reckless, studs up, challenge from her French counterpart, Sakina Karchaoui. Again our Swedish Chef – sorry ref – was unmoved. The ever popular VA(F)R took a look at it with a view to a red card for the French captain. The decision when it came? Yep…nothing doing. Nowt, nada, zilch. Not even a caution.

Mind you, as least Leah will have the stud marks up her back for a while as a delightful souvenir of the incident.

Then, shortly after, substitute Ella Toone was yellow carded for winning the ball fairly when her opponent decide to writhe about following the challenge. That pesky ref again…

Into the dying minutes. Youngster Michelle Agyemang came on in the 86^th minute and made – yet again – an instant impact. She is fast, direct, fearless – a real threat. Just one minute later England had a goal back with only their first attempt – not counting the disallowed Russo goal – on target. Keira Walsh – that England goalscoring machine (intended wit!) – getting her second international goal in only 88 matches gave The Lionesses an unexpected and undeserved lifeline.

87 mins: 2:1 BOOOOM! Get in… England back in it.

A late shot from Toone was goal bound until a French defender blocked the ball in front of the line. A 2:2 draw was so tantalisingly close. It would have been undeserved but – Hey! – I’m a Lionesses fan, I’ll take whatever is on offer. Or not on offer – as was the case when our old pal Swedish Tess blew the final whistle on a depressing and dispiriting performance from our girls.

Thus, England became the first defending European Champions to lose their opening Euro match. Our girls have it all to do now in their next two games or they face an early flight home.

Has this defeat dampened #SonInLawNo1 and mines optimism, mood and excitement for our upcoming great adventure? I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t – but only by a teeny-tiny smidge. 

First up is The Netherlands on Wednesday. Liam and I will be there with belief, hope and expectation restored to cheer our Lionesses on.

Hey!….and our ol’ pal BantamMonkey will be along for the ride too.